When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Randomize
