I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
