how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
