I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
