I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
