My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
