He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
