i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
