Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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