I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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