Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
