Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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