You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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