I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
