in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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