Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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