how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
we should paint friendship bongs
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