If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
