if you like me you must not know who I am
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
