Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
