sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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