Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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