We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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