is wine microwaveable?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
