Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize