Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
