and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
