I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Couch. On fire.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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