He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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