508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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