At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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