I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
