I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
