Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
