You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize