I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
