I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
