NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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