Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
