Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
