you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
