i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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