Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
All the doctor said was why
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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