OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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