There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
