ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
