Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Fuck appropriateness.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
