I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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