ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
pray to the hookup gods
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
