When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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