Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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