My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
