every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
