Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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