All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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