Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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