that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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