come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
