opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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