my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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