wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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