If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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