I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
