i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
