I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
