Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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