my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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