I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
