Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
