I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
