my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
