Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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