there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
