Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
