She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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