$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Randomize
