your thong is hanging out like whoa
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
