maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
