Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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