Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
