How'd it feel making her break her religion?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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