i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
