Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
