I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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