I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
