True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
