Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
