After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
