Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
