my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
4 words: hood of his car
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
