It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This is my gift to your gina
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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