i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
