My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
