dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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