What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
