thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
