I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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