Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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