i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
