is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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