im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
