Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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