My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
