it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
