Are you still at the party or did I leave?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
