Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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