I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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