I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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